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SEX AND HAPPINESS

 

Introduction

Sex can be beautiful or extremely problematic. It can be the extension of love or hate; gentle or violent. Releasing and flowing you’re your sexuality, is enriching. Your sexuality is no different from any other manifestation of who you are. Allow it the same vision and consciousness you bring to any other activity.

Unfortunately, our concepts of sex are filled with many destructive shoulds and should nots. Sex has become a major area for unhappiness. It is confused with love, with power and dominance, with ownership, and with ego. So many different cultures have so many different belief systems surrounding sex. Are the all wrong? Or are they just all different.

Just like you unhappiness conditioning, the beliefs you have surrounding sex as you enter adulthood are based on someone else’s beliefs. You do not need to subscribe to these beliefs. The most harmful is the connection between sex and love.

 

Sex and Love Connection

Sex is certainly an expression of love, but it is not love itself. Sex is one way of demonstrating physical desire; but sex is not love. Likewise, love is not sex. So many problems in relationships stem from misconceptions of sex. “You don’t love me if you don’t want to have sex with me”. “You don’t love me if you have sex with someone else”. “If you loved me, you would desire me sexually”. Our ego has become too entwined with sexuality.

Rejection of a proposition of sex is NOT a rejection of you as a person. Yet, not getting what we want from sex, is not a reason to be unhappy.
Sex is a beautiful and simple human procedure. As in any other area of life, there is no right or wrong way, no good or bad, no should or should not. Sex is from our nature. We don't require practice to do it.

Many believe THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE for their partner's enjoyment. Many also feel they have to perform with a certain expertise and live with the anxiety of being judged and rejected after each sexual encounter.

Hence, each of us experience enjoyment or view our performance in the sex act from our own frame of reference.

This becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. We start out believing we will fail, and our fears inhibit our sense of freedom to enjoy sex to its fullest extent. What is you believed you could not fail, that nothing is wrong with you, that you know "how" to do it, that your partner's lack of enjoyment is theirown thing from their beliefs, that you are only responsible for you ... well, would you feel relieved and much freer to move with your inclinations instead of against them.

Fear of failure and rejection and the belief that something is wrong with me infiltrates many sexual experiences. POOR SEXUAL PERFORMANCE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT LOVING, BUT EVERYTHING ABOUT FEAR AND UNHAPPINESS.

People enjoy sex to the extent they are happy. Unhappiness short-circuits sexuality and sex acts. In loving my partner without judgments or expectations, I am also loving and accepting myself.

Sexual experiences become more satisfying when you become more permissive of your own desires and more accepting of your partner.

 

Acting Out to Prevent Fear of Rejection

Fears often become their own self-fulfilling prophecies. We often unwittingly adopt certain behaviours to mask the source of our fears or unhappiness.

There are many manifestations of this wrong belief. People have been known to become very over weight, so that they can blame their “apparent lack of sexual attractiveness” on this physical attribute, freeing themselves from the fear that others will not find the real them sexually attractive.

Approaching middle age many men test and verify their virility by seeking sex with much younger women in an attempt to recapture the fervour of their youth. Unfortunately this support of self-image has to be continually fed, an appetite incapable of being satiated. Inevitably, ‘scoring’ becomes all important to ones attempt to stay young. Fears are the fuel. This charade builds on itself in order to sustain good feelings.

These are both acting-out behaviours. Such acts attempt to mask the pain of some other fear. Inevitably it only serves to strip ones sense of dignity and bring more pain and anger.

Next: How Money Affects Happiness

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