SEX AND HAPPINESS
Sex can be beautiful or extremely problematic. It can
be the extension of love or hate; gentle or violent.
Releasing and flowing you’re your sexuality, is
enriching. Your sexuality is no different from any other
manifestation of who you are. Allow it the same vision
and consciousness you bring to any other activity.
Unfortunately, our concepts of sex are filled with
many destructive shoulds and should nots. Sex has become
a major area for unhappiness. It is confused with love,
with power and dominance, with ownership, and with ego.
So many different cultures have so many different belief
systems surrounding sex. Are the all wrong? Or are they
just all different.
Just like you unhappiness conditioning, the beliefs
you have surrounding sex as you enter adulthood are
based on someone else’s beliefs. You do not need
to subscribe to these beliefs. The most harmful is the
connection between sex and love.
Sex and Love Connection
Sex is certainly an expression of love, but it is not
love itself. Sex is one way of demonstrating physical
desire; but sex is not love. Likewise, love is not sex.
So many problems in relationships stem from misconceptions
of sex. “You don’t love me if you don’t
want to have sex with me”. “You don’t
love me if you have sex with someone else”. “If
you loved me, you would desire me sexually”. Our
ego has become too entwined with sexuality.
Rejection of a proposition of sex is NOT a rejection
of you as a person. Yet, not getting what we want from
sex, is not a reason to be unhappy.
Sex is a beautiful and simple human procedure. As in
any other area of life, there is no right or wrong way,
no good or bad, no should or should not. Sex is from
our nature. We don't require practice to do it.
Many believe THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE for their partner's
enjoyment. Many also feel they have to perform with
a certain expertise and live with the anxiety of being
judged and rejected after each sexual encounter.
Hence, each of us experience enjoyment or view our
performance in the sex act from our own frame of reference.
This becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. We start out
believing we will fail, and our fears inhibit our sense
of freedom to enjoy sex to its fullest extent. What
is you believed you could not fail, that nothing is
wrong with you, that you know "how" to do
it, that your partner's lack of enjoyment is theirown
thing from their beliefs, that you are only responsible
for you ... well, would you feel relieved and much freer
to move with your inclinations instead of against them.
Fear of failure and rejection and the belief that
something is wrong with me infiltrates many sexual experiences.
POOR SEXUAL PERFORMANCE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT LOVING, BUT
EVERYTHING ABOUT FEAR AND UNHAPPINESS.
People enjoy sex to the extent they are happy. Unhappiness
short-circuits sexuality and sex acts. In loving my
partner without judgments or expectations, I am also
loving and accepting myself.
Sexual experiences become more satisfying when you
become more permissive of your own desires and more
accepting of your partner.
Acting Out to Prevent Fear of Rejection
Fears often become their own self-fulfilling prophecies.
We often unwittingly adopt certain behaviours to mask
the source of our fears or unhappiness.
There are many manifestations of this wrong belief.
People have been known to become very over weight, so
that they can blame their “apparent lack of sexual
attractiveness” on this physical attribute, freeing
themselves from the fear that others will not find the
real them sexually attractive.
Approaching middle age many men test and verify their
virility by seeking sex with much younger women in an
attempt to recapture the fervour of their youth. Unfortunately
this support of self-image has to be continually fed,
an appetite incapable of being satiated. Inevitably,
‘scoring’ becomes all important to ones
attempt to stay young. Fears are the fuel. This charade
builds on itself in order to sustain good feelings.
These are both acting-out behaviours. Such acts attempt
to mask the pain of some other fear. Inevitably it only
serves to strip ones sense of dignity and bring more
pain and anger.
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